Monday, August 2 2021

Quote of the Day

That’s how we’re gonna win. Not fighting what we hate. Saving what we love.

Rose Tico in Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Questions and delusions

I’ve been feeling….unmoored lately. Working on the novel is hard, because it’s so big and I am so at the beginning of a process I have barely uncovered and never walked all the way through successfully. Getting distracted by side projects is way too easy.

On top of that I have been having a crisis of potential. As in, am I living up to mine. Here is how this brain-trap goes: I need to consider all the things I could be working on that could make the biggest impact on Making The World A Better Place, a project that I am solely responsible for and endlessly failing to make a dent in. I just need to find the Best Use For My Talents to Solve Climate Change / Racism / Exploitative Capitalism / Income Inequality / The Other Stuff.

What I realized today, perhaps for the first time, is that figuring out how to make a difference isn’t the same thing as making a difference. What’s worse, the only way to figure out how I can make a difference is by doing / making things and seeing if a difference is made. Which means not only did I waste all that time trying to “figure it out,” I’m way behind the experiment-and-fail eight ball.

That doesn’t necessarily make me feel better, but it does make me want to focus. I create new projects for myself on a whim-probably 3 or 4 a week. I said to a friend today that I might chose to give up air over giving up thinking of new projects. And here is where it becomes deadly, combining that spontaneous project generation with trying to figure out The Best Way To Use My Talents To Save The World.

I’ve just taken out my paper notebook, the last page of which is dedicated to my Another Idea for Another Day List, and I’ve added about five more things to it. Six–I just thought of another. I need to get this novel done. I need to put in the work, because it’s so easy to do so much work and accomplish nothing. I don’t understand why this is so easy.

Last week my co-working friend gave me a question to ask myself: Where can we settle in that makes us feel the best?

Settling in to write this novel about hardship and history and hope. That’s what makes me feel best.

…..right after I finish this one mini-project.

No for reals! It is important and germane to the novel. I’m picking out books in the tradition of the one I want to write and creating the Canon of Best Hope. Enjoy. When I’m done, I’ll have a list of resources and examples for me to read and examine and look up to.

A couple of weird wonderful things I found over the last few days

Tricia Hersey’s The Nap Ministry. “We believe rest is a form of resistance and name sleep deprivation as a racial and social justice issue.”

KC Davis’s How to Keep House While Drowning: 31 days of compassionate help. “Depression, anxiety, ADHD, parental trauma, chronic illness, postpartum, bereavement, lack of support… Cooking, cleaning, laundry, and sometimes hygiene can become almost impossible during these struggles, yet that’s rarely the focus of books about these mental, physical, and social barriers. Until now.”

Set up Family Sharing in Apple. This one is for me to help my mom set up AppleTV+.

Sourdough buttermilk biscuits. Don’t these sound tasty! Too bad I waited too long to try it and my buttermilk is bad. Maybe next time I have some extra.